


in a faith forgotten land

by postersonthewall



Category: The Wilds (TV 2020)
Genre: Angst, Canon Divergent, F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, character injury, shelby learns to love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 05:22:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29255151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/postersonthewall/pseuds/postersonthewall
Summary: shelby catches toni crying by the fire the night after their kiss. it starts from there.
Relationships: Shelby Goodkind/Toni Shalifoe
Comments: 7
Kudos: 98





	in a faith forgotten land

**Author's Note:**

> hey, let me know if you guys want more chapters ! find me on twitter @fatinsuitcase

Shelby dreamt of Eden.

She closed her eyes under the hesitant fire light and imagined herself by the tree of knowledge. Would she bite the apple? 

No. No she told herself that she wouldn’t; couldn’t. No matter how hungry she got, even if she ached for it; even as her stomach folded in on itself; she could never. No matter how good she knew it would taste. It would taste so good. 

Becca was her first taste of the Good.

She had thought of kissing Becca a million times before she finally did. She thought of holding her face in her hands and bringing their lips together just slowly enough, and giving in. When she finally did, she finally knew how good it tasted. How good it felt to pluck the apple that hung tauntingly over Shelby’s head; waiting - begging. 

She thought about doing a lot more with Becca than just kissing her. And maybe she would’ve. 

The look on her father’s face told her everything that she needed to know about that taste. It wasn’t for her. It never would be.

And it was so fucking unfair. It tasted so good; so good it made Shelby dizzy with excitement and longing and fear and fun. She yearned for just another taste. Some nights, when she was so desperate for just another moment with Becca, she thought that maybe she’d suffer forever in hell if it meant just tasting it once more. It was addictive and sweet. And bad. Shelby knew it was bad, even if it didn’t feel bad.

Shelby knew from a young age that what felt good, was ultimately bad. And rotten. And no good.

At church the next morning, Shelby felt sick to her stomach. 

The hunger - unattended and unnurtured - grew. It grew and grew until Shelby felt like that was all that she was. Hunger. Aching for one more taste. 

That Sunday, as her father stood at the front of the room and spoke, she couldn’t help but look at the stained glass above his head. How beautiful it was, she thought, the colours and the way the light hit it in just the right way. How the light made the glass more colourful and more beautiful than she even thought was possible. 

Maybe one day, she would find the light that would do that to her. 

_____________

Kissing Toni wasn’t like that kiss with Becca. 

Toni. 

Toni who is angry, who is sharp, who is difficult, who is cocky, who is recklessly brave, who is loud, who is brash, who is rough, who is resentful, who is a sinner.

Toni who is broken, who is kind, who is soft, who is patient, who is honest, who is attentive, who is quiet, who is scared, who is strong, who is beautiful. 

Toni who is beautiful.

When Shelby finally reached Toni and kissed her, it felt like nothing she had ever felt before. It was that hunger but more.

Toni was more.

At first Shelby’s heart almost cracked when Toni froze under her lips, who seemed to be too shocked to even push her away.

When Toni finally kissed her back, it was almost worse. Shelby would’ve preferred a person who didn’t want her, that way she could know for certain that the hunger was wicked - that she was wicked. 

But of course, Toni did yet another thing to annoy her, and she kissed her back. 

Shelby nearly jumped out of her own skin when she felt Toni’s wandering hands on her waist, pulling her closer.

It felt like the edge of a cliff - if she took a single step further she would fall forever. But it felt so good. Toni felt so good.

Toni’s lips explored hers so gently and hesitantly; Toni felt warm under her touch and completely at ease. For once in her life, the hunger was no longer there. The hunger, that tormented her, was at ease. 

Shelby doesn’t remember pulling away. She didn’t want to. It was just something she had to do. She had been bitten and she had given into temptation; and now she was surely evil. 

_____________

Thinking of Toni like this, her back on the rough sand, and eyes on the stars - she almost didn’t hear the noise from across the fire. Almost. 

Shelby knew what soft crying was when she heard it. She knew the sighs and shallow breaths of someone willing themselves to be quiet; to not make a noise. She recognized it instantly.

She also knew who it was. 

Beautiful Toni.

Toni who she had kissed today was across the fire and crying by herself, softly, in the dark and under the stars. 

Shelby had once again; wrecked someone with her kiss.

She was evil, she was wicked and like a disease she was spreading it. She had now gotten it all over Toni and it was all her fault.

She was sick. 

She was sick and now (her) beautiful Toni had to suffer from it.

Shelby screwed her eyes shut. She tried to repeat the words she had repeated every time she felt this hunger; her mantra.

_ My soul is consumed with longing for your rules at all times. _

The words felt empty to the chorus of Toni’s soft sobs. They took on a new meaning.

She longed to hold Toni.

Fuck. If she could she would stand up and rush to Toni’s side, bringing the girl into her arms and kissing away her tears.

Shelby was near tears now; thinking about how Toni had faced a world of suffering and it was her kiss that finally broke her. 

In a faith forgotten land, whose rules do you long for?

That was the question Shelby asked herself as she found her feet moving by themselves and carrying themselves across the sand of this faith forgotten land, past the bonfire, and to Toni’s feet. 

She dropped onto her knees in front of Toni who was now holding her breath, looking up at Shelby with curious, tear filled eyes.

“Shelby?”

“Please let me hold you.”

Shelby blurted out the words before she could stop herself. There was that feeling again, that hunger, pooling at the bottom of her stomach - waiting. Toni frowned in a way that had Shelby’s heart do jumping jacks.

“I’m fine. Just - just go back to sleep okay?”

Shelby could hear the defensiveness in Toni’s voice but also the desperation - the longing. Perhaps there was also the same hunger there? Was it possible someone wanted Shelby in the way she wanted them?

Maybe the hunger would be okay if they were giving into it together. Maybe it would make it okay. 

Slowly, Shelby made her way beside Toni who shut her eyes and froze in place, but didn’t move away. Shelby laid down and with each centimeter she moved closer to Toni, she felt her heart racing even faster.

She hesitantly put her hand under the base of Toni’s head slowly and moved her arm under her neck, pulling Toni into her arms.

Toni, apparently, didn’t need much convincing, as she immediately but shyly melted into Shelby’s side, burying her head in the crook of Shelby’s neck. 

Both girls wrapped their arms around each other and waited. They weren’t sure what they were waiting for. 

Shelby felt her eyelids grow heavy feeling Toni trace patterns on her bare waist at the place where her shirt lifted up. She felt her breathing slow, and everything in the world seemed to stop. Just as she was about to fall asleep, she heard her.

“I liked it.”

“Mhm?”

“Kissing you. I liked it.”

Toni had said it so quietly and softly that Shelby almost missed it. Almost. Shelby’s breath hitched and she felt herself get that same dizzy feeling she always got when she started to think about these things. About these things with girls. 

She hadn’t answered for so long she almost forgot that time had passed. And by the time she was about to let the words slip; she felt Toni’s breathing even and her body go slack - knowing the girl had fallen asleep.

Shelby took a deep breath.

In the middle of the night, under the solitary stars, and next to the dim fire, Shelby said the next three words as if they were a prayer. 

Something holy.

“I loved it.”

_____________

When Shelby woke up, beautiful Toni wasn’t in her arms.

And that simple fact of life, broke her to bits.


End file.
